很多研究者都试图评估宝宝的气质,他们总是告诉父母,拥有的是“容易教养”的孩子,还是“不容易教养”的宝宝。这种评估的不成功之处在于,即使一些宝宝在出生时表现出随和天性,但在2、3岁,性格形成前,还是会出现很多不易教养的时段。
Several researchers have attempted to assess the temperament of infants so they can tell parents if they have an “easy” or “difficult” baby. These efforts have been largely unsuccessful. While some children do display stable temperamental patterns right from birth, most will go through a series of different phases before things settle down after two or three years.
个人认为,容易和不易这样的词用于测试是很荒谬的。因为,不管“易”还是“难”,宝宝的气质不仅仅是依靠他们的行为,同时也是父母人格和经历的结果。
Personally, what I find highly objectionable is the use of the terms “easy” and “difficult” in these assessments. Whether a baby is easy or difficult does not simply depend on the infant’s behavior. It also depends on the personality and experience of the parent.
如果你是个大惊小怪的父母“哦!不!宝宝打嗝了!我该怎么办?”
那么,不管什么样的宝宝都会被你养成“难养育宝宝”。
如果你是个彻头彻尾的淡定家长:“呵!喷射性呕吐!真够酷的!”
那么,你能把任何宝宝养成“随和型宝宝。”
If you are an extremely nervous parent (“Oh no! The baby burped! What should I do?”), then any infant is going to be difficult. If you are a totally laid back parent (“Wow. Projectile vomiting. That’s cool.”), then any infant is going to be easy.
或者说你的第一个宝宝,就像是我们的最后一个宝宝。我太太总是说:“如果我们先生了这最后一个宝宝,那我们就不会想再要孩子了。”他不睡觉,并且吐掉你喂他的所有东西。现在你的第二个宝宝降生了,研究人员告诉你她的气质“正常”。其实对于你,这第二个宝宝是属于“容易养育”宝宝,因为你的参照物是第一个“小恶魔”宝宝!
Or let’s say your first baby is like our last baby. My wife always said that if we had the last one first, we never would have had the others. He spit up everything we fed him and he refused to sleep. Now your second baby comes along and the researchers tell you she is “average.” Well to you, the second one is as easy as can be because you survived the nightmare of the first.
再举个例子,如果你们的第一个宝宝是我,我曾经是世界上最完美宝宝!我整天睡觉,如果我睁开眼,我就张开嘴,你把奶瓶放我嘴里,我就吃光光,然后我就闭上嘴,同时就又闭上眼接着睡。现在你的第二个宝宝诞生了,如果研究员告诉你“这个宝宝的气质正常”,你会觉得她实际上是“难养育宝宝”,因为这次你的参照物就是我这个超级乖宝啊。
Worse yet, suppose it goes the other way around. Let’s say your first baby is a baby like I was. I was the world’s best baby. All I did was sleep. If I opened my eyes, I opened my mouth. You put a bottle in my mouth, I drank it down, closed my mouth, and closed my eyes. Now your second baby comes along and the researchers tell you she is “average.” Well to you, the second one is quite difficult because you had absolutely no problems with the first.
所以,不管是谁,试图告诉你,你的宝宝是什么类型的,别往心里去吧。不管你的宝宝是“难养”还是“好养”,气质每个月都会变化的,而且,最重要的是,宝宝的气质其实是由你决定的。
So if anyone tries to tell you what kind of baby you have, don’t pay them any mind. Whether your infant is easy or difficult is something that is likely to change from month to month, and more importantly, it is something that you can only determine for yourself.
以上文字摘录于美国悦宝园首席顾问 Michael K. Meyerhoff博士的博客,Michael K. Meyerhoff博士曾经是哈佛大学最著名的Harvard preschool Project (哈弗早期教育项目)的主要成员。编著过3本儿童早期教育书籍,30本学术手册和100多篇学术论文。带领其研发团队为悦宝园打造1000多套创新课程。
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